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In the thesis I uses a self-narrative approach to reflect upon my life of being an obedient student born in a middle-class. I directly confronted with the intensive conflict of mother- daughter relationship and the judgment of mainstream social values due to unexpected pregnancy, while married my husband whose family is very different from mine.
The wedge is about the context that I have moved from the narrative of “the other” to that of “myself,” implying that I want to be close to myself but have an unbreakable defense.
In the first chapter, "Generation,” my childhood and sibling competition urged me to chase the "good" mask. However, intimacy torn the "good" mask and became the "evil". Therefore, I could only constantly repress my true self in order to show the "good" me on the stage.
The second chapter, "Moving,” narrates my important experienced knowledge, including the learning in the classroom and outside the classroom, and the cycle of dialectical process (self- confrontation/dialogue with others) in order to see how my own framework is affected by social culture and traditional expectation to construct and find the true self.
Chapter Three "Shaking,” tells the story of the non-wedlock pregnancy incident. The intensive conflicts of the incident showed the "separation" of relationship with my mother, and also brought out my dissatisfaction and expectations about her over the years. The after shakes in the chapter describe the conflicts gradually cooling down since the marriage, but the pain and side effects faintly appear in the married life.
Chapter 4, "About My Intentions for Self-writing,” reflects on writing actions after reviewing the previous chapters. It turns out that my writing is not just to repair myself or to produce action knowledge. Instead, I have a very strong desire to have a dialogue with my mother.
The whole thesis adopts the concept of "action/narration" mentioned by Professor Cherng Horn-fay that both knowledge output and writing are inseparable. "Self-writing" as an action allows me to turn around and recognize myself and my home.
Keywords: self-narrative, unmarried pregnancy, mother-daughter relationship
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