本研究目的為描述一位成年初顯期女性—我於親密關係中深感焦慮的經驗。本研究採自我敘說研究法，我為30歲單身女性，身為敘說者及撰寫者，目前就讀心諮研究所碩四，也正處於親密關係之中。我描述自身生命故事，書寫、反覆閱讀及持續反思，聚焦於探究我親密關係焦慮的內涵、歷程、影響及因應。我採用Seiffge-Krenke (2006) 所闡述的依附理論並整合Lazarus與Folkman (1984) 提出的壓力評估與因應模式為本研究參考架構，以敘說方法進行資料分析。
自我敘說由研究者幼年時期與主要照顧者(母親)的互動開展，因母親嚴格、不一致與忽略的教養方式，造成我的焦慮型依附型態及負向的內在運作模式，引發伴隨親密關係而來的負向情緒及不適應的行為，影響生活、學業及職涯發展，間接導致職涯路徑的轉變。我認同女性應獨立自主，期待自己成為一名經濟獨立與生活自主的女性。高中及大學階段發展親密關係期間，我感到強烈的焦慮不安，以致於無法專注於課業學習，並於親密關係結束後，產生強烈自我否定，呈現萎靡不振及茫然無解的狀態。為了克服親密關係焦慮，我嘗試尋求資源協助自己，漸體會自身的負向內在運作模式及焦慮依附型態影響我的親密關係，且伴隨而來呈現焦慮、憂鬱、自我壓抑及過度尋求確認等各式症狀。隨著深入了解自我，不斷提升自我覺察，逐漸找出安全健康的因應方式，降低落入負面情緒與傷害親密關係的惡性循環。本研究結果提供建議予焦慮依附者及諮商輔導和相關助人專業人員，協助其發展有效的調適因應策略及處遇型態。

The purpose of this study is to describe the intimate experience of an emerging adult woman who has severe intimate relationship anxiety. This study adopts a self-narrative method. I, as a 30-year-old single woman, am the narrator and the writer in this study. I am a fourth-year master's student in counseling program and is currently in an intimate relationship. I describe my own life story; write, read and reflect during my writing; focus on and explore the connotation, process, impact and coping of the intimate relationship anxiety; and reveal an awareness of my inner status and make efforts for adjustments with the intimate relationship anxiety. I integrate attachment theory (Seiffge-Krenke, 2006) and stress, appraisal and coping model (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984) to formulate a reference framework of this study. A narrative analysis method is employed to conduct data analysis of this study.
My self-narration story was portrayed from the interaction with the primary caregiver (mother) from childhood up to adolescence. I developed an anxious attachment style and negative internal working model since my mother adopted a strict, inconsistent and neglectful parenting style which affected me to indulge into negative emotions and cognitions, and to develop some maladaptive behaviors to deal with intimate relationship anxiety. All of these impaired my intimate relationships; harmed my academic learning and career development; and indirectly led me to switch my career path. As a woman in modern society of Taiwan, I recognized women should be independent, and be with financial independence and self-reliance in lives. However, my intimate relationships occurring in high school and university brought me a high degree of anxiety and psychological disturbance which interfered with my academic learning. After the termination of intimate relationships, I revealed severe self-denial, depression and confusion. In order to cope with the intimate relationship anxiety, I tried to seek for assistance, and gradually realized that under the impact of the anxious attachment and the negative internal working model, I demonstrated the symptoms of anxiety, depression, self-oppression, excessive reassurance-seeking, etc., associated with the intimate relationship. As I gained a deep self-understanding and continued to enhance self-awareness, I gradually developed safe and healthy coping styles to reduce the evil cycle of the negative emotions and damaged intimate relationships repeatedly. The results of this study provide implications to the anxious-attachment people and counseling and related helping professionals for comprehending the connotation and process of intimate relationship anxiety; and then developing effective coping strategies and intervention styles for assistance.

摘要 .......................................i
Abstract ..................................ii
謝誌 ......................................iii
目錄 .......................................v
第一章、緒論 ................................1
第一節、研究背景與動機 .......................1
一、為什麼還是一樣............................1
二、好想知道為什麼............................2
三、論文方向的最終確定........................3
第二節、研究問題與 目的 ......................4
第二章、文探探 ..............................5
第一節、台灣女性 ............................5
一、女性角色的變化...........................5
二、成年初顯期女性...........................6
第二節 異性戀親密關係 .......................8
一、異性戀浪漫親密關係.......................8
二、青春期浪漫親密關係.......................10
三、成年初顯期的浪漫親密關係.................12
第三節、親密焦慮的困難與因應 ................17
一、依附關係................................17
二、親密焦慮............................... 22
三、親密焦慮的因應.......................... 27
第四節、概念架構.............................30
一、依附模式影響壓力反應......................30
二、評估歷程.................................31
三、因應策略.................................31
第五節、文探統整..............................32
第三章、方法..................................34
第一節、自我敘說 .............................34
一、質性研究取向 .............................34
二、自我敘說作為研究方法 ......................34
第二節、研究工具 .............................35
研究者即為研究對象 ...........................35
第三節、研究歷程 .............................36
一、研究主題與研究方法的轉變 ..................36
二、進入研究 .................................37
第四節、研究品質 .............................38
一、故事文本具多重真實性 ......................39
二、研究者的坦誠揭露 ..........................39
三、故事敘說形成生命內在統整性 .................39
四、寫作助研究者解構原視框 .....................39
五、敘說文本的召喚力 ..........................40
第五節、研究倫理 ..............................40
第四章、研究結果 ..............................41
第一節、難照顧的小孩與生氣的母親 ................41
第二節、自我期許的生成 .........................42
第三節、情竇初開的夢魘 .........................44
第四節、無緣的第一志願與初戀 ...................47
第五節、失戀居然這麼痛苦 .......................52
第六節、一塌糊塗的課業與撲朔迷離的關係 ..........55
第七節、風暴前的寧靜 ..........................59
第八節、原來催狂魔真實存在 .....................60
第九節、陽光要出現了嗎 .........................62
第十節、冬天怎麼那麼長 .........................63
第十一節、柳暗花明 .............................65
第十二節、愛情來得是時候嗎 ......................67
第十三節、再次沉淪還是成長的驗收 .................71
第十四節、我覺得好累 ............................74
第十五節、未完待續 ..............................77
第五章、 討論 ...................................79
第一節、當代台灣成年初顯期女性 ....................79
第二節、親密焦慮的內涵 ...........................80
一、負面的自我概念 ...............................80
二、情緒困擾 ....................................82
第三節、親密焦慮的歷程 ...........................84
一、初始階段-依附模式的形成 ......................84
二、發展階段-親密關係失敗 ........................85
三、覺察與調適改變階段-從失敗中學習可以調整依附模式..86
第四節、親密壓力源的評估與因應 ....................88
一、高中與大學初期 ...............................88
二、大學中期、後期暨畢業後兩年時期 .................89
三、研究所時期 ...................................89
四、變化歷程 .....................................90
第五節、研究建議 .................................91
一、給諮商輔導相關助人工作者的建議 .................91
二、給焦慮依附者的建議 ............................92
三、給家長與老師的建議 ............................93
四、給教育訓練者的建議 ............................94
五、給未來研究者的建議 ............................94
第六節、結論 .....................................95
參考文探 .........................................96

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